I haven’t blogged in six days despite the fact I have several ideas floating around inside this pretty lil’ thing they call my head. My brain just hasn’t had the energy to flesh them out.

So, I’ve decided to introduce a new feature here at SKOS called “Phoning It In.” Basically, it’s just me writing shorter versions of the silly awesome blog posts I usually write. I’ll think of a few ideas, put the least amount of effort into fleshing them out, and then post them.

Ready?

Doesn’t matter. I’m doing it anyway.

“Illegal Alien” Costume Controversy

NEW YORK, NY – Retailers have come under fire by immigrant activists for selling two “illegal alien” Halloween costumes.

Target, the mass-merchandise retailer, has already pulled the costumes from its shelves.

“We never meant to offend any of our consumers, even ones who technically shouldn’t even be in the country,” said Target spokesman Tom Phillips.

This is not the first time Target has received criticism for one of its Halloween costumes. Last year, the retailer had to stop selling its “Snow White” costume after Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton labeled it “offensive.” Three years ago, Target had to remove its “Werewolf” costume from its shelves after an activist group claimed it was insensitive to citizens who had been bitten or scratched by wolves.

In other news, the “Racist White Guy Holding a Bible” costume is once again a huge hit this Halloween season.

Obama’s Effort to Promote Kids’ Health Has Surprising Side Effect

WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to promote healthy eating and exercise, Michelle Obama invited local elementary students to the White House for a “Healthy Kids Fair.”

During the event, Michelle Obama joined the students in hula-hooping and jumping rope. While her intent was to help combat the obesity problem in today’s youth, the numerous photos posted online of the first lady at the event appear to have had a greater impact on adults.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” replied Keith Dugan after being shown a photo of Obama wiggling her hips.

“Why did you have to show me that while I’m eating? Good grief. I’m not hungry anymore. Anyone want the rest of this sandwich?”

The first lady, who earlier this year was inexplicably featured on People magazine’s most beautiful people issue, is being credited with making men and women all over the world simultaneously decide to stop eating.

Experts predict Americans will lose an average of 34 pounds between now and New Year’s.

“Even when I close my eyes, I can still see it,” screeched Dugan.

“The horror. The horror…”

And Finally…

Father of “Balloon Boy” Offered a Reality Show

FORT COLLINS, CO – In an ironic twist now that it’s become evident the entire “balloon boy” incident was a hoax done as a publicity stunt to better market him and his family for a reality television show, ABC has approached Richard Heene with an offer to star in a spin-off of its inexplicably popular reality show “Wife Swap.”

“Wife Swap: The Prison Edition” would feature Richard Heene as the prison bride to a different prison inmate each week.

“According to our research department, people love this idea,” cooed ABC spokesman David Heart. “People are clamoring for it.”

The irony? Richard Heene isn’t certain he wants to do the show.

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” admitted Heene.