I rarely have dreams. When I do have them, I rarely remember them. When I do have them, and I do remember them, they are usually very weird.

Last night’s dream was no exception.

Begin dream sequence!

I climb into the passenger’s seat of my Mustang. A girl is behind the wheel. She asks me something to the effect of, “so how did it go?”

Before I could answer, I see a giant semi-truck pulling out of the driveway of the home I just exited.

I tell the girl to step on it. The semi-truck was coming after us.

She takes off, but apparently not fast enough for my satisfaction. I keep telling her to drive faster. The semi was gaining on us.

The truck pulls up beside us and veers into our lane.

It hits us.

The laws of physics would tell you that my little Mustang would be no match for a giant semi truck, but somehow the semi is unable to knock us off the road.

I am, however, worried about my paint being scratched.

The semi bumps into us again. And again. I tell the girl to drive faster.

We lose the semi. It appears as though we’re out of the woods. But then, out of nowhere, a Hummer is driving beside us.

Inside the Hummer is the girl who lived in the house I exited at the beginning of the dream. Apparently, I had made her (and whoever was driving the semi) very angry.

Like the semi, the Hummer tries to run us off the road. Again, I worry about my paint being scratched.

Eventually, I spot a police car. I tell the girl to drive towards it. I am, after all, a genius.

We pull up to the policeman, who had parked his car and was, for some reason, just standing in the middle of the street.

I get out of the car to talk to him, but the girl I was with beats me to him. Before I can even get a word out, she had begun telling the policeman about our situation.

She was a bit too excited for this policeman’s tastes, evidently, because he threatens to arrest her.

I intervene.

I explain to the policeman that this was my girlfriend (my brain has quite the imagination when it dreams, apparently).

I showed him a piece of paper with a list of about thirty names. I tell him that these were the names of ex-girlfriends I had wronged and that I was visiting each of them, one by one, to make amends.

The most recent ex I talked to, I explained, didn’t forgive me. I then explained the whole semi-Hummer high-speed pursuit.

The policeman seemed satisfied with my explanation, but he didn’t seemed too concerned with the fact we had almost died and there was a crazy ex-girlfriend (and her accomplice) out there who needed to be arrested.

End dream sequence!

I’m not what you would call a dream interpreter, but I am a dream critic. So, I will now begin critiquing this dream.

How I had not previously noticed there was a semi-truck in the driveway is beyond me. And how did the thing even fit into the driveway?

Why am I, even in my dreams, a micromanager and backseat driver?

Why did I have such a long list of ex-girlfriends? And what bad thing(s) had I done to them to warrant my needing to seek them out and make amends?

What kind of current girlfriend am I with in this dream? What kind of girl not only encourages, but HELPS her boyfriend seek out and talk to his exes? Did she used to be my psychiatrist or something? Aren’t psychiatrists prohibited from dating patients?

Was that a real policeman, or a crazy person wearing a policeman’s outfit for Halloween?

Why did I bother showing him “the list” and telling him the back story? All he needed to know was there was a Hummer and semi-truck out there driven by homicidal maniacs.

I wonder, if I had been able to fast forward the dream a few months or years, if the current girlfriend in the dream would have made her way onto “the list”? Methinks, if getting her involved in high-speed car chases was a regular part of our relationship, I will have had much for which to make amends.

Silly brain. You have such silly dream plotholes.

What did all of you think of the dream? Can you actually interpret it? Are there any other critiques I forgot? As always, do leave a comment or two or ten.