I am not a procrastinator. Let’s get that out of the way right now. When I was a teacher, one of the things I stressed to my students was their need to break the procrastination habit.

But I am also not perfect. Let’s get that out of the way right now.

Whereas in recent years I have finished my Christmas shopping weeks if not months before the big day, this year I have procrastinated. I have bought zero gifts so far. Christmas is one week away and I am giftless. I am without gifts.

Actually, that’s not totally accurate. I have bought gifts for my niece, one of my nephews, my sister-in-law, one of my brothers and one of my sisters. But I use the word “I” in the loosest way possible.

My brother’s Christmas gift was “bought” in late October. He came to me one day and asked, “Hey, for my Christmas present this year could you pay for my gym membership in November?”

“Sure,” I told him. “It’s barely less personable than a gift card, so why the heck not?”

For my niece, nephew, sister and sister-in-law, gifts were purchased by my mom. In each instance, she was out shopping for her gifts. Whenever she found something she believed “someone” in the family would enjoy, but “someone” was a person for which she had already purchased a gift, she would give me a call.

The phone conversations would go down like so:

Mom: “Have you bought a gift for __________ yet?”

Me: “No, why?”

Mom: “I found __________ for them for Christmas.”

Me: “How much is it?”

Mom: “$__.”

Me: “Okay, buy it. I’ll pay you back.”

And scene.

So when I say “I” bought them gifts, what I really mean is my mom bought them gifts for me and I am paying her back.

“I” have actually purchased zero gifts.

Why? Well, life is crazy right now. People are in the hospital, vehicles are catching on fire, and work is trying to make me loco in the cabeza. As a result, I now have one week to buy gifts for the rest of my family.

But this has made me think of another upside to being single.

I have about half as many gifts to buy as I would if I were married and had an extended family.

Silver lining, people. Silver lining.