Ever since this past summer, when I went to a hair stylist while sporting sideburns and tapered hair in the back but left said stylist sporting no sideburns and a blocked hairline, I worry every time I sit down for a haircut.

Now, I know what you are thinking. “Why did you tell the stylist to shave off your sideburns and give you a blocked haircut, Kev?”

Was it because I was tired of having sideburns my entire life? Sideburns that, it turned out, disguise a birthmark I never knew I had beside my left ear?

No, that wasn’t it.

Was it because I wanted to give the illusion of having an even WIDER head than I already have (tidbit: blocked hairlines give a wide appearance in comparison to tapered hairlines)?

Nope, that wasn’t it either.

In truth, I didn’t WANT to have my sideburns removed. I didn’t WANT a blocked hairline. So why did I get them?

Because that particular hair stylist was either deaf, evil or deaf and evil. She interpreted my instructions of “just a trim…neaten my sideburns…tapered in the back” as “do the opposite of what I just said…hack off my sideburns…make my head look as wide as possible.”

Communication and proper translation is crucial. Sometimes, a miscommunication can be easily remedied (“I asked for well done. This steak is rare.”) Other times, miscommunication isn’t so easily remedied (“Doctor, the chart says “appendectomy” not “vasectomy!”).

Getting a haircut falls somewhere in between. A mistake isn’t permanent, but it can’t exactly be remedied in the next ten minutes either.

So, this past weekend when I sat down in a (different) hair stylist’s chair, I was more than a little concerned when I discovered English wasn’t her first language.

When you have to mime what kind of haircut you want, you’re asking for trouble.

Thankfully, all went well. My regrown sideburns were trimmed, but still remain. And my hair is tapered, not blocked, in the back.

However, I think I agreed to marry her daughter. I’m not exactly sure.