Having a good idea for a new series of posts when you’re the owner of the Val Kilmer of blogs (i.e. used to be popular, many moons ago) is an odd predicament. Do I go ahead with my idea or, like Kilmer, do I fall off the face of the earth and eat my weight in cake frosting?

Decisions, decisions.

I’m sure the idea isn’t original, if for no other reason than the fact I got it, of all places, from an Alanis Morisette song. Alanis, around the time she (and Val Kilmer, for that matter) was popular, had a song named “Unsent.”

It was, arguably, the laziest written song in the history of music. Basically, Alanis took several letters she had written to past boyfriends — letters she never actually sent (hence the clever title, “Unsent”) — and sang the words while elevator music played in the background.

“Gosh, that’s just lazy,” I thought to myself after hearing the song. “Still, I can top it. Someday, I will rip off her idea and make it my own.” And then I put on my X-Files pajamas, hopped into my water bed and went to sleep.

(No, I never actually wore X-Files pajamas. However, I did have a water bed. Jealous?)

Anyway, here’s my take on the whole “Unsent” idea. I will write posts that are fictional letters I supposedly wrote (but never sent) to miscellaneous recipients during random times during my life. For example, I might address a letter to “Santa Claus” and give it a “December 26, 1985″ date. What might that letter have looked like? Why, I’m glad you asked:

Dear Santa,

What the heck, dude? Clothes?! Clothes?!?! If you, as legend has it, make lists and check them twice, you would know very well I was a good boy this year. I got all A’s in school. I never once had to have a “time out” during recess. I barely picked on my younger brothers and my bedroom, as always, was kept immaculate.

So what the heck?! I asked for G.I. Joe and Transformers action figures. I asked for Hot Wheels. I did not — repeat, NOT — ask for pants. Or shirts. Or sweaters.

Year after year, you disappoint me. It’s almost as if you ask my PARENTS what to get me for Christmas!

I can’t believe I gave you cookies and milk.

Love,
Little Kevin

As you can see, even as a child my writing skills were quite extraordinary.

Now, sometimes, I might actually write a semi-serious or serious letter. I might even fully rip-off Alanis and write a cathartic letter to an ex. But more times than not, I will use it as a comedic vehicle. But serious or not serious, these letters will likely give you readers additional insight in my life.

And by “readers” I mean my two remaining regulars and the four people who will find this post after Googling Val Kilmer or Alanis Morisette.