Something screwy is going on here.

Last week, I bought some new running shoes on Amazon. It was a long overdue purchase. My current running shoes, you see, are almost four years old. And since I purchased them, my feet have grown.

Yep, my size 13 Nike Airs — the size and brand I’ve worn since I was a senior in high school — are now half a size too small. I need size 13 1/2 in Nike, which practically doesn’t exist. So, that means I’m stuck with size 14.

Oh well. Better to be half a size too big than half a size too small, right?

Since I last purchased athletic shoes, the designers at Nike have apparently lost their minds. Virtually every shoe they make now looks as though they were made for teenagers, adults who still act like teenagers, or gangsta rappers.

And since I am none of those things (though I don’t doubt I could have quite the rap career as DJ Kev, Dr. K or some other silly alter ego), I was forced to look elsewhere for a suitable shoe.

Reebok, based on the pair of baseball cleats I owned in college, are crap. So, they’re out. This left me with New Balance and Adidas as suitable replacement candidates.

I’ve never owned a pair of New Balance, but my parents wear them and speak highly of them. Their styles are also ADULT friendly, which is a big plus. I had a pair of Adidas back in junior high and remembered liking them, so I decided to keep an open mind about them, too.

To my surprise, the best deal (i.e. the best shoe for the lowest price)  on Amazon was for an Adidas, not New Balance, running shoe.

The “Adidas Clima Cool” running shoe (pictured) was the winner. It had an age-appropriate style. It was a normal color. And it was on sale. Yes, the frugal part of my brain liked these shoes a lot.

So, I ordered them.

Size 14.

They arrived last Friday and I quickly opened them and tried them on.

Hmmm.

They felt…tight.

This couldn’t be right. How can size 14 anything be too tight?

I kept them on and walked around my home thinking I could get used to them. Nope, they hurt. They felt like things I would wear if I wanted to bound my feet as a child to keep them from growing.

Luckily, the Amazon seller I purchased them from has a nice return policy. I can exchange them for free, or I can ask for a refund (but be charged $8.95 as a processing fee).

Nine bucks? That doesn’t sound like much, but my frugal brain doesn’t like the sound of it. I would be out $8.95 and STILL need a new pair of running shoes.

So, the alternative is exchanging them for a different size of the same shoe. But that would mean…size 15!

I do not have size 15 feet. I don’t. I just don’t. Something screwy, I repeat, screwy, is going on here.

Is size 15 the new 13 1/2? Has Adidas changed their size charts? Have other shoe makers done this, too? And if so, WHY?!

Are there really that many men out there in the world who are insecure about the size of their feet?! Did a bunch of guys with size 8 or 9 shoes write angry/sad letters to Adidas and demand the company change the way it measures shoe sizes?

“I’m tired of wearing size 8 1/2  shoes,” one letter might have read.

“Mr. Adidas, I demand that your company make it so that size 8 1/2 shoes be changed to size 10! Size 10 can become 11 1/2, and so on. This will help my fragile, fragile self esteem.”

It’s insanity, I tell you. I already had a hard enough time finding shoes I liked when I wore regular ol’ 13’s.

Thanks a lot, tiny footed men of the world.