According to a new federal report, the number of  illegal immigrants in Georgia more than doubled from January 2000 to January 2009. Georgia, it turns out, had a higher percentage increase than any other state — even states like Texas and California that border Mexico.

Naturally, this got me thinking.

For starters, it got me wondering how exactly it’s known how many illegal aliens reside in Georgia (or any other state, for that matter). Are the people who published the report psychic? Did every illegal alien fill out a form when they crossed the border? Did the report merely count the number of TV viewers for the talk show Lopez Tonight on TBS?

It also made me wonder if any of my co-workers were illegal aliens. Given the huge numbers in Georgia, the answer is likely “yes.”

So, the last few days I’ve been gathering intel. I’ve paid extra close attention to my co-workers. And I believe I have three candidates.

#1Carol in HR

The case for: Has been spotted eating at Taco Bell on several occasions … Has a photo of a pet chihuahua on her desk … Heard her say “si” one time.

The case against: She went to Taco Bell, with me, for lunch and going there was my suggestion … The dog photo on her desk could be of a beagle or mutt since I don’t know dog breeds very well … She might have been saying “see” instead of “si.”

#2Doug

The case for: Likes soccer … Owns a tie that has one of the colors used in Mexico’s flag … Seemed skittish when I asked him in the middle of a meeting if he was an illegal alien.

The case against: I might be looking for reasons to think he’s an illegal alien due to that one time he drank the last of the coffee and didn’t brew more.

#3John

The case for: Wears a sombrero to work on Casual Fridays … Drives a Chevy El Camino … Doesn’t appear to speak English.

The case against: His name, “John Smith”, is as All-American as you can get.

Frankly, guys, I’m stumped. It could be any of them! But mark my words, I won’t rest until I’ve figured out the identity of the building’s illegal alien.

Even if, in a surprise twist, the illegal alien turns out to be John.