I know.

The topic of this blog post would be more fitting if the calendar actually read “April”, but I’m going to go ahead and write it anyway. Why? Well, two reasons: One, I will completely forget what I’m about to write if I wait a week to write it. And two, something this brilliant must be shared with the world as soon as humanly possible.

The accepted meaning of the poem “April showers bring May flowers” is a simple one: April, usually a rainy month, will eventually give way to the month of May, a month where flowers typically bloom thanks to the water April provided it. By extension, it means “bad” things can sometimes provide the basis for “good” things.

Hogwash.

Here’s the real meaning behind the poem:

If you take showers during the month of April, you will smell nice and people will give you flowers during the month of May.

By extension, if you fail to shower during the month of April, no one will want to be within fifty feet of you due to your horrible, horrible smell.

You see, the poem is about hygiene.

Don’t believe it?

Well then, smarty pants, prove me wrong. Go the entire month of April without showering or bathing. Go ahead, do it. And then let’s see if anyone wants to give you flowers when May 1st rolls around.

This is more than just a humor blog. It’s an educational resource. I impart words of wisdom and helpful tips that you, my loyal readers, can use in your everyday lives. I tell you what no one else is brave enough to tell you.

And what I’m telling you today is that no one wants to give flowers to people who smell bad.

You’re welcome, people.