I‘ll be honest with you, I love Michael Bolton’s music. I do. I’m a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when he sings “When a Man Loves a Woman.”

Keanu Reeves acting prowess awes me. The man can convey more emotion in a blank stare than Robins Williams after five pots of coffee and a sharp kick to the groin.

Gag me with a spoon, baseball season is about to begin. The smell of the grass, the sound of a ball hitting a leather glove, the sight of perfect swing and a majestic homerun. Good grief, the horror.

There is an unattractive woman who doesn’t live in Tennessee that I most definitely do not still pray for after all these months. And I absolutely am not looking forward to contacting her this summer and seeing if she’s still available.

Oh, and she smells bad.

Obama is doing one heck of a job. Not only did he deserve that Nobel Peace Prize, he deserves a honorary Oscar, too. And a Grammy. And an Emmy. There should be a bronze statue of the man on every street corner. No, scratch that. TWO bronze statues!

Speaking of Obama, I have to say that Michelle is hot with a capital freakin’. People magazine got it right when they put her on the list of world’s most beautiful people. Seriously, if she was any more photogenic, cameras would weep. If she was any more attractive, men everywhere would slap their wives and girlfriends for not being able to measure up.

Want to know why the White House has so much security? It’s not to keep out those who would do harm to Barack. It’s so Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Ben Roethlisberger can’t get their slimy hands on Michelle Obama.

I defy anyone to look at the photo of her posted above and not have an intense reaction. That emotion you’re feeling? It’s love.

If the star power of the reality show Dancing with the Stars was any more intense, the world would eat itself. Seriously, how our planet doesn’t go up in flames whenever Kate Gosselin, Pamela Anderson and Shannen Doherty share the stage is beyond me. If those three ever made a movie, it would earn a bajillion dollars.

Nothing brightens my day quite like seeing someone leave their cart in the middle of the grocery store parking lot rather than walking a few extra feet and returning the cart to its designated area. I have no desire whatsoever to beat those people with their own shoes. No desire whatsoever.

Guys who wear flip-flops and baseball caps everywhere they go in public are the epitome of cool. I want to be just like them, but sadly I do not possess the skill set needed to purchase a hat and place it on my head.

Happy Opposite Day, everyone.