With work still slow, I’ll continue that live blogging thing I sometimes I do. Will inspiration strike me enough throughout the day to make it worthwhile? Doubtful. Will I likely bore the few readers I still have to tears? Certainly.

You’re welcome, people.

8:04 AM

My workout this morning was very intense. It consisted of lifting my hand, finding my phone, and hitting “snooze” on the alarm. I did one set of six repetitions and, boy, am I feeling the burn right now.

I can’t imagine how I’ll feel after work when I go to the gym and actually exercise. I might just burst into flames.

9:33 AM

What’s this? I’m out of almonds?! This can’t be! What will I eat at 2:30 for my afternoon snack?? This can’t be happening… This can’t be happening…

Pull it together, Kev. You can always just have a spoonful of delicious peanut butter. Let me just check the ol’ desk cabinet here and… WHERE DID ALL MY PEANUT BUTTER GO?!?! Arggggggggggggggg…

10:44 AM

According to Yahoo’s homepage, Kate Gosselin was eliminated from “Dancing with the Stars” last night.

See this? (Points to his eyes)

This is where the tears could be if I could cry.

And if I actually cared.

12:05 PM

A couple months ago, a co-worker was laid off. He was a good worker who didn’t deserve to be let go, but he was a casualty of our decreased workload.

In addition to his regular duties, this co-worker was in charge of keeping the kitchen stocked with supplies. He volunteered for the job and he did it quite well.

However, no one has stepped up to fill that role since he left. And our supplies have slowly gone the way of the dodo.

Coffee, coffee creamers and sweeteners (sugar, Splenda, etc.) aren’t a concern. So many people use those items every day that SOMEONE will make sure the building doesn’t go without. Heck, if the building ran out of coffee, there would be a mutiny.

But two or three months ago, I quit drinking coffee at work. I switched to green tea. I am, I believe, the only person in the entire building who drinks green tea. And I am now on my last box of the stuff.

Next week, maybe sooner, the green tea will be gone. And since no one besides me drinks it, there won’t be a mutiny when it runs out.

That’s why it’s up to me.

If I want the kitchen shelves stocked with green tea, I’m going to have to complain and complain until someone else goes out and buys it.

That’s how I roll.

2:02 PM

Shakespeare once wrote:

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Sure, William, but what if “rose” had instead been named “that poison flower that will kill anyone who smells it”? Would people have still lined up to smell its sweetness? I think not.

Kev one, Shakespeare zero.

2:22 PM

The NFL announced today that it has suspended Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for violating the league’s conduct policy.

His violation? Twice within the past year he’s been accused of raping a young woman.

Some might say the punishment is too severe since Roethlisberger has never been arrested, but I do not hold to that. DA’s might not be able to prove in a court of law rape took place, but it is clear — based solely on the facts made known to the public, facts Roethlisberger and his lawyers have not disputed — that Roethlisberger is a predator. He preys on women. He takes advantage of them. To paraphrase Dennis Miller, I would call Ben Roethlisberger a scum bag, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum.

In short, I believe Roethlisberger got off easy. My sentencing? The man needs to be castrated. And I bet there are at least two young women out there who would be willing to carry out the sentencing.

3:04 PM

An awesome reader (welcome back from your hiatus,  Jenny!) left the following comment…

I refuse to think about Ben Ratsburger or Kate Gooseling except to say I think they should be forced to marry each other and dance together for at least two hours a day.

…and it got me thinking. Which would be the harsher sentence:

Castration?

Or having to marry Kate Gosselin?

Frankly, it’s too close to call.

After all, both scenarios involve the guy losing his manhood.

3:15 PM

Said Barack Obama, on what he is looking for in a Supreme Court nominee:

I want somebody who is going to be interpreting our Constitution in a way that takes into account (…) women’s rights.

As a service to you, my dear readers, I will translate the president’s words:

I want somebody who is going to murder as many unborn babies as possible! Yeehaw!!!

The “yeehaw” was silent, but implied.

4:21 PM

On this day in 1958, actress Andie MacDowell was born.

Inexplicably, this important tidbit is absent from Yahoo’s homepage and Twitter’s Trending Topics.

After all, her work in Multiplicity was, well, nothing short of brilliant.

4:47 PM

Gosh, George Washington was something else.

Commander of the Continental Army…

First President of the United States…

Inventor of delicious, delicious peanut butter…

This (holds up the spoon of peanut butter that is his late-afternoon snack) is for you, George!

9:54 PM

To those who aren’t sure:

Yes, I know it was George Washington Carver (not George Washington) I should thank for my peanut butter snack. I was just being silly. Really! May the bank repossess my Lincoln Town Car (which was invented by Abraham Lincoln, by the way) if I’m not telling the truth…