A new work week hasn’t changed my work status. I’m still very much bored and ready for things to pick up so I have something to do. And to that end, here’s another live blog. Please do not let the fact I wish I was doing something else lessen your enjoyment of it in any way!

8:50 AM

“All that I’m after is a life full of laughter.” – Daughtry

Profound words.

Especially if you’re a clown.

9:41 AM

My yard was in desperate need of mowing this weekend. As the weather becomes warmer and the sun’s brightness becomes more prominent, the grass and weeds in my yard decide to celebrate by growing tall and looking unseemly.

But alas, my lawnmower wasn’t working.

What was I to do?

Well, I borrowed my dad’s grass and weed cutter (pictured).

I put on some work gloves.

And then I dusted off my old baseball swing and walked around my yard chopping down some green stuff.

My back and legs are pretty sore today. Apparently, the muscles I used aren’t muscles I touch at the gym or during my day to day activities. Still, as sore as I feel today, I bet I’m feeling a lot better than my grass and those weeds.

Clearly, they picked the wrong yard to randomly grow in.

11:33 AM

I wish I made more noise when I walk.

At work, two or three times a day I will go to the kitchen for some green tea. On my way back to my office, I’m carrying a mug with piping hot liquid. This wouldn’t be a problem if I was the only person in the building (I’m very coordinated), but unfortunately I have to deal with co-workers blindly turning hallway corners at breakneck speed.

Usually, we avoid contact. Sometimes, some piping-hot liquid in green tea form ends up running down my hand and wrist.

It is not a pleasant sensation. Worse, I end up wasting an entire mug of perfectly good green tea when I have to throw the rest of it in the face of the speed-racing co-worker.

Sure, they might yell and scream, but it’s a small price to pay for what I consider a teachable moment.

So, like I said, I wish I made more noise when I walked. If my co-workers could hear me, maybe they would SLOW THE HECK DOWN!!!

I do have a few options, though. I could wear a bell around my neck like a cat or dog. Most guys couldn’t pull off that look, but I bet I could.

Or I could sing (loudly) as I walked the hallways with my hot cup of green tea.

“NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL…”

Or how about, “I’M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD…”

Or maybe anything from the Miley Cyrus catalog.

The possibilities are endless…

…with varying degrees of effectiveness.

2:01 PM

Anyone out there in the market for a frog??

Perhaps there’s a parent in the audience who thinks a frog would make a great gift for their son or daughter?

Maybe there is a frog-leg connoisseur among you who hasn’t had lunch yet?

Or maybe there is a young lady out there hoping to kiss a prince that’s currently in frog form?

Well, if that describes any of you then this is your lucky, lucky day!

My swimming pool is the frog capital of the United States. Really! Why, just yesterday, I began the process of getting my pool ready for swim season and I couldn’t believe my luck: There was close to a dozen frogs in my pool!

I know what you’re thinking.

“But Kevin, why on earth would you want to get rid of something as awesomely amazing as frogs?!”

Because I’ve gone insane, folks!

And my insanity is your gain!!

So, if you’d like a frog or two or ten, just leave me a comment.

(Please.)

3:24 PM

The Atlanta Falcons (a professional football team, for those unsure) signed an undrafted free agent named “Bear Woods” today. I point this out for two reasons:

1. To congratulate the young man, and
2. To bemoan the fact I will no longer, as planned, be able to name my first born Bear Woods (Last Named Omitted) since it will no longer be original.

The dream died today.

4:49 PM

I watched Avatar (for the first time) this weekend.

My take?

It was The Smurfs meets Dances with Wolves, except Smurfette and Kevin Costner were nowhere to be found.

Frankly, I liked the movie better when I saw it 18 years ago under its alternate title: Ferngully: The Last Rainforest.

I kept waiting for Leonardo DiCaprio to make an appearance. After all, the man has to first appear in a James Cameron movie if I want to experience the joy of watching him die in a James Cameron movie, right?

All joking aside, I did like parts of it. For example, it was good to finally see Sigourney Weaver in a movie that featured aliens.