In my last blog post, A manly dichotomy, I pondered whether my frugality was inadvertently pushing me into quasi-metrosexual territory. In short:

To save money, I want to make a homemade after-shave balm/moisturizer to replace the marked-up products I buy from the store. However, I fear that making my own moisturizer, no matter the motive, is decidedly unmanly.

Okay, first off, for those who might think less of me after yesterday’s somewhat-prissy post, I’ll have you know when I got home I punched a pine tree. Then I stepped on an ant. Then I threw a rock at a kid who was picking flowers. Then I high-fived some guy for no good reason. That’s what men do! And I’m a man!!

Ahem.

In all seriousness, I omitted an important, secondary reason for wanting to make my own balm/moisturizer. The awesome Jenny reminded me of it in the comment she left me:

“…Smelling like a flower is (why a product) costs a bajillion dollars.”

Exactly! The fragrances (as well as the preservatives, which are needed to preserve them until the end of time) are why these products cost so much. (Well, that and the All-American store mark-up!)

I’m a guy. I don’t want to smell like flowers. I don’t want to smell like, well, anything. These “for men” products do not smell like women’s products, thank goodness, but they do have distinct smells.

And these distinct smells, naturally, are supposed to be “manly.” Many are, but many others smell like hospitals. Either way, here’s the thing…

If your shampoo smells like one thing, your shaving cream smells like another thing, your balm/moisturizer smells like another, your body wash/soap smells like another thing and your deodorant smells like something else entirely, the end result isn’t you smelling like a man. The end result is you smelling like a man who was attacked by several ninjas, each of whom had bathed in different fragrances before roundhouse kicking you.

If you add a nice cologne to the mix as many men do, including yours truly, the aromatic assault you unleash on the public can be considered criminal.

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I want to live in a world where men’s products smell like…well, nothing!

I want to smell like whatever cologne I’m wearing that particular day. Nothing else. And on days where I choose not to wear cologne, I want to smell like whatever body wash I used that day.

That means I need unscented products. Unscented face wash. Unscented shaving cream. Unscented balm/moisturizer. Unscented deodorant. Unscented shampoo!

Or, at the very least, I need as many unscented versions of these products as possible and the rest to use a subtle fragrance like lavender or something.

And, that my friends, is the upside to figuring out how to make as many of these products yourself as possible. You can save money and control exactly what they smell (or don’t smell) like!

So, you see, I’m trying to save money, avoid wearing fragrances, and am attempting to bend the universe to my will.

And if that doesn’t prove I’m a man, I’m not afraid to throw another rock at a kid.

Rocks are plentiful and so are kids with large heads.