Why aren’t all men’s shirts made out of wrinkle-free material? Do they think we like to iron? ‘Cause we don’t.

Why hasn’t someone figured out a way to plant GPS devices inside socks so we can finally learn what happens to them when they inevitably disappear?

Why, if I want to buy a cell phone that has a high-quality camera (high enough quality that I have no need for a real camera), do I have to buy a phone with all sorts of extra gizmos, gadgets and applets that require me paying $15 a month extra to AT&T for a “data plan” I’ll never use? I don’t need Internet access. I don’t need GPS. I don’t need games. I just need a durable phone that can handle calls, send and receive text messages, and possesses a 5 megapixel (or higher) camera with flash! What’s so hard about that?!

Why, if I’m not getting weird (to me) veggies like cucumbers and carrots on my sandwich at Subway (even though I’m entitled to them at no extra charge), can’t I get extra tomatoes or provolone cheese without paying more money? Work with me on this, Subway, or I will start loading up my sandwiches with every vegetable you offer. And then I’m going to go straight to one of your trash bins and pick off the veggies I don’t like. I’ll do it, too. Just try me.

Why doesn’t a barber/stylist, after cutting your hair, remove the loose hair from your earlobes? Seriously, you get a brush to remove the loose hair from my neck and face. Some of you even wash my hair afterward to do a more thorough job of hair removal. You do all that, but you don’t bother dealing with the loose hair on my earlobes? You know it’s there. You can see it. Plus, you get haircuts yourselves, so you know this is a problem. Help a guy out! Or, at the very least, go get me a cotton swab or damp towel so I can take care of it myself. I’ll be deducting this oversight from your tip, of course.

“No, I will not cut down my bushes. They serve a valuable purpose.”

Why do neighbors with pets tend to think neighbors without pets are somehow responsible for their flea/tick problems? “No, I will not trim back the bushes that separate our properties. I have a swimming pool and I appreciate the privacy these bushes provide me. However, I will gladly, again, sprinkle sevin-dust on these bushes and around the border of my property. Oh, but don’t misunderstand. I’m doing this for my benefit. If your dogs have fleas, I’d like to keep said fleas off my property. Hope you have a great week. Talk to you next Saturday, when, inevitably, we will have this exact same conversation.”

Why can some people not understand the notion that if you’re cold you can always put something on, but if you’re hot there is only so much you can take off? This is especially true in the work environment. It’s 100 degrees outside. You’re cold because the A/C is set to 74 degrees? You know what? Tough. Your “cold” issue can easily be remedied with a blanket or hot cup of coffee. Our “it’s blistering hot” issue can only be remedied by lowering the A/C or wearing bathing suits to work. Hmmm. That’s a tough one. If only it was obvious which party was being unreasonable.

“No, YOU are an embarrassment. Next question.”

Why does Obama still have that arrogant, pompous demeanor every time he speaks? His continuing to do so, after all that’s happened the past year and a half in office, is akin to the school bully continuing to strut around campus after all the nerds had formed an alliance, beaten him up, stripped him naked in the middle of the cafeteria and forced him to drink his own tears as fellow students (and even teachers) recorded the event and posted it on YouTube.