ATLANTA, GA – In the market for a new cell phone? Not sure which phone is right for you in the never ending sea of choices? Confused, perhaps even a bit frightened, by the nonstop marketing campaigns aimed at consumers?

Kevin Dugan of The SKOS Institute feels your pain.

“Every month, there is a new ‘must have’ phone released to the public. It’s insane. A new ‘Android’ phone comes out every week, it seems. You can’t throw a rock out your window without hitting someone gushing about their new iPhone. Even Microsoft is coming out with the ‘Windows Phone 7′ later this year. It’s too much. It’s just too, too much.”

“That is why,” Dugan continued, “we have decided to end the madness and design our own phone.”

The iSKOS 47 Series Frankenstein Phone took the SKOS team almost two whole hours to plan, design, create and build.

“We have literally never worked that hard, or long,  in our lives,” noted Dugan.

Built with parts made from approximately three dozen cell phones “borrowed” from co-workers who made the mistake of placing their phones where Dugan had easy access to them, the iSKOS47SFP is a sturdy phone constructed to last years, if not decades.

“And you wouldn’t believe how much duct tape we used,” added Dugan.

However, where the phone really shines is its features. The secret? Simplicity.

“Most phones give you way, way more than the average user needs,” explained Dugan. “What’s the point of having hundreds of features and access to thousands of ‘apps’ when you only need the essentials?”

Want premium call quality? The iSKOS47SFP has it. Users have the ability to call Dugan (and only Dugan) with the iSKOS47SFP.

“Why would anyone need to call anyone else,” asked Dugan.

The same is true with text messaging. The iSKOS47SFP offers a touch-screen interface that allows users to type text messages to Dugan at lightning speeds.

Want web browsing? Of course you do. The iSKOS47SFP gives users a web experience unlike any other. With access to — not one, but — two websites, specialkindofstupid.com and Dugan’s Twitter account, iSKOS47SFP’s joy factor is unmatched.

“The iSKOS47SFP lets users interact with me at a level never before thought possible. It truly is a technological miracle,” beamed Dugan.

An added, much-appreciated, bonus is the iSKOS47SFP’s immunity to the antenna-reception issues that have plagued Apple’s iPhone 4. This is provided, of course, the user holds the phone the same way Dugan holds it.

“I hold it with my middle finger and pinky,” explained Dugan.

With a 12 megapixel camera designed to only take photos of Dugan, a music player designed to only play songs performed by Dugan and a calendar designed to only accept date reminders relevant to Dugan, the iSKOS47SFP is your one-stop-shop for all your Dugan needs.

“If you’re like me and you just can’t get enough me, this is the phone for you,” promised Dugan.

“Oh, and you’re welcome, people.”

To pre-order the iSKOS 47 Series Frankenstein Phone, leave a comment below. The iSKOS47SFP bumper case costs $30 and is not included.