As I’ve discussed a time or two or three, I rarely dream. And, when I do dream, I rarely remember. And when I do dream and I do remember, my dream is almost always weird.

(Insert segue here.)

People are turning into zombies! Or, at least they were in my dream last night.

I was in a nondescript city for some kind of convention. With me were a wide assortment of people from my past and present. All my friends from high school were there. My friends from church were there. One of my brothers was there. And a certain woman, [name omitted], was there.

We were all in a building when things began to go awry.

And by “awry” I mean “one of my friends from high school was attacked by a zombie.”

Chaos ensued.

People in my dream reacted the way you would expect people to react when trapped in a building in a nondescript city whose citizens are turning into zombies.

People panicked. Some tried to make a run for it. Some people just hid in closets, which was probably a wise move.

Me? Well, somehow I had a futuristic gun of some sort. It could kill zombies if I shot them in the face. Unfortunately, the gun wasn’t always reliable. Much like an old car you have trouble starting, this gun didn’t always shoot its laser when I pushed its button. Because of this, I distinctly remember being angry with my gun on numerous occasions.

My goal in the dream was to keep all my friends together and safe. However, several people, including [name omitted], somehow got separated from the group. I led a search party to find [name omitted], but that of course led to everyone in my search party being killed by zombies.

All of us who remained barricaded ourselves in a room. It was only a matter of time before we would be overtaken.

My gun was no longer with me, but I don’t recall what happened to it. Most likely, I became so disgusted with it I threw it away. As we were now trapped like rats with no weapons to speak of, this was a regrettable decision on my part.

A friend then handed me a handwritten note my mom had written me. Apparently, the zombie outbreak was happening everywhere. How this friend obtained this letter defies all logic, but then again we’re talking about a dream in which I am fighting zombies.

After reading the note, I began to cry. Then I woke up.

Things I learned from this dream:

1 Never throw away your futuristic gun, no matter how unreliable it is, when the world is being attacked by zombie-like creatures.

2 If you’re ever in a nondescript city with [name omitted], don’t let her wander off when zombies begin their attack. It will only lead to the death of everyone in your search party.

3 Just like you should never cry in front of a woman, never cry in front of a zombie. They will lose all respect for you. Granted, my dream ended before any zombie saw me crying, but I’m pretty sure their reaction would have been one of disdain.

And yes, this was my actual dream last night. If you’re wondering what I ate last night, that had nothing to do with it. The mushrooms that grow in my backyard are perfectly safe.