Since my first “Headlines!” post was such a huge success (0 comments! Put a 1 in front of that and I’m in double digits, baby!), I have decided to treat all of you to a sequel.

I’m sorry, did I say treat? I meant punish. You best leave me a few comments this time, or else I’ll have no choice but to turn this into a trilogy.

1

Headline: “How to make extra cash”
What the article is actually about: Selling items on the Internet.
What I, for the purpose of this post, thought after reading the headline: I definitely didn’t think it had anything to do with the world’s oldest profession, I’ll tell you that! [awkward laugh]

2

Headline: “Lesbian teen awarded $35k”
What the article is actually about: A rural school district that canceled its prom rather than allow a lesbian student to attend with her girlfriend agreeing to pay $35,000 to settle a discrimination lawsuit.
What I, for the purpose of this post, thought after reading the headline: So now we’re PAYING people to be gay??

3

Headline: “Most massive star ever seen”
What the article is actually about: The discovery of a huge ball of brightly burning gas that may be hundreds of times more massive than the sun.
What I, for the purpose of this post, thought after reading the headline: Is Rosie O’Donnell technically a “star” anymore?

Let’s see those comments, people.