As we approach the 21st moon since you elected me your island ruler, I know many of you have concerns regarding the state of our great island. And I know many of you, when it comes time to choose the members of our next island council, plan on expressing your concerns by placing your ceremonial voting rocks inside the huts of those who oppose me.

Good people, hear me now: It’s not my fault.

Lest any of you forget, I inherited the numerous issues currently plaguing our dear island. I, your dear and flawless leader, am merely a victim. My predecessor has been, and always will be, responsible for our island’s plights, whether they technically happened during his time in power or not.

Under who’s watch did our food shortage begin? Under my predecessor’s, of course. It was he who sat in the mighty bamboo chair when the rain gods refused to cry on us for four straight moons. Clearly, the rain gods did not approve of his political platform.

My critics like to point out how, once I became ruler, I only made our food shortage worse by giving half our harvest, as well the first born son of everyone who opposed me, to the god that lives inside our island’s volcano.

I suppose my critics would prefer we all burn in a stream of molten lava!

Besides, if my predecessor had not refused to even acknowledge the volcano god’s existence, much less his almighty lava powers, I would not have had to give him all our precious, precious food.

Our ongoing war with those who inhabit “The Forbidden Zone” is another hot-button-shaped issue. My critics like to dwell on the fact I have not ended the war like I promised I would do. How quickly these critics forget I wouldn’t have had to make promises I had no intention of keeping if my predecessor had not retaliated when “The Others” attacked us with bows and arrows while we were sleeping soundly beneath the shelter we built with debris from our fallen plane.

Had he simply let bygones be bygones, this war would have ended before it even started. Plus, with the large number of castaways who surely would have been killed due to our enemies’ misinterpretation of “we surrender” as an aggressive call to arms, our current shortage of food wouldn’t be nearly as daunting.

The sinking of the rescue boat we built, as well as the lost lives of the four castaways who were manning the boat, is another issue for which my critics like to point blame my way.

What they conveniently forget is the “let’s build a boat so we can be rescued” idea happened long before I came to rule. The rescue boat was my predecessor’s pet project. It was his debacle. I was simply the person who happened to be in charge for its first, and last, voyage.

Critics like to say the boat would not have sank had my devoted followers not “borrowed” essential pieces of the boat in an effort to build a statue of my likeness, but these are deceitful lies. My followers found those boat-like items in the jungle, next to a pineapple tree. To doubt their truthfulness is to defile the memories of those four brave men who shouted, “who stole the rope that was holding together the bow and stern?!” before drowning at sea.

I could go on, but I believe I’ve made my point. Nothing that has happened during these past twenty-one moons is my fault, and neither I nor my allies on the island council deserve to be held accountable, err, I mean responsible.

The poison mushrooms incident…

The using of the last flare in our flare gun when I couldn’t find my pineapple because it was too dark…

The giving of the OTHER half of our harvest to the “giant hole in ground” god…

The bailout of Banana Street…

Aren’t we all just a little tired of the blame game? I know I am.

Besides, none of it’s my fault.