I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
by Barry Jones, regular guy
Hello, my fellow U.S. citizens! As a regular Joe who is most definitely not the president wearing a fake mustache meant to disguise his identity so he can manipulate your trust, I thought I would share something that’s been on my mind.
Call me overly patriotic, but I think we should all stop our bipartisan bickering and support that handsome Barack Obama guy!
His critics on the right like to point out all the things I haven’t he hasn’t accomplished since taking office, but what about the the things he has accomplished?
Who was the first sitting president to appear on a daytime talk show?
That’s right, Obama!
Who spent countless hours and energy in an attempt to win his hometown city of Chicago the 2016 Olympics and almost succeeded in doing so?
Obama!
Who sued the state of Arizona for foolishly thinking it had the right to create illegal-immigration laws for itself?
OBAMA!
Who blessed each and every taxpayer with the opportunity of giving for their country thanks to his numerous tax-funded stimulus packages that [crosses fingers behind back] fixed our ailing economy?
OooBAMA!
Who won the Nobel Peace Prize for his numerous…um, hmmm…actually, I’m not sure why I he won the Nobel. He must have done something grand, though. The Nobel committee doesn’t give prizes to just anyone.
OBAMA!
Who has made it his personal mission to unburden women who have human-like parasites growing inside them?
OBABABABAMA!
Who, except for those occasions where someone has the audacity to disagree with him, has single-handedly rid the world of racism?
ObbbbbbBAMA!
Look, I’m just an average citizen with a glorious mustache who can’t get enough of the Barackster! The Barackinator! The Barackattack!
Come on, everybody. Repeat after me!
O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A! O-BAM-A!
[long pause]
I am not Barack Obama.
;-) 7.29.10 at 6:03 pm:
Bahaha. I needed the laugh today – thanks. Just the picture up top cracked me up.
Don’t forget, OBAMA!!! is also suing the state of Arizona for attempting to enforce laws already in place in the federal government. If it weren’t for him, those poor illegal immigrants might have to go back to where they came from!
;-) 7.29.10 at 6:47 pm:
@Angi: Ah, I can’t believe “Barry Jones” forgot to include anything about Arizona. He’ll have to remedy that immediately…
;-) 7.30.10 at 1:42 pm:
LOLOLOLOL this charlatan is soooooo gonna get his long-overdue comeuppance in Novembrrrrrr at the freeze-out midterms … maybe it’ll be below 95 degrees in South Carolina by then … one can only hope … and then in 2012, look out. In fact, I think O & Shelly and the little girl bamsters should start having their slaves pack the boxes NOW. Get a jump on things, as it were.
;-) 8.2.10 at 12:07 pm:
@Jenny: You know, Obama getting a head start on boxing up his stuff isn’t such a bad idea. Why procrastinate? Goodness knows it’ll take at least a year for him to box up all the backup teleprompters he has in storage.