All my life, I have had to deal with people who just don’t seem to understand the journey is its own reward.

When I was a child taking his first step, my parents began to clap and cheer. It was all I could do not to stop in my tracks, turn around, and tell them to stop.

In grade school, I had to endure smiley-face stickers on all my papers. Excuse me, teacher lady, I didn’t do this for a sticker. I did it for the love of 2+2=4!

In high school, when I hit a home run in extra innings of a playoff game, I had to punch several teammates who had the audacity to try to “high five” me at home plate.

And on November 4, 2008, when someone tried to hand me an “I’m a Georgia Voter” sticker, I had to shout: “AGAIN with the stickers?! Doing my part to keep America from going to Hades in a hand basket is reward enough, thanks.”

Then I punched the person.

With all this in mind, I can’t tell you what a huge relief it is to no longer have more than a handful of people who read my blog!

Back in the old days, the period I sarcastically refer to as my blog’s “golden” days, I would get a few hundred visitors and a couple dozen comments every single day. What a drag!

Um, excuse me, but I have better things to do than read comments telling me how funny and witty I am. Take your validation and encouragement elsewhere!

And, ugh, don’t get me started on all the readers who took it upon themselves to tell others about my blog. Those “share the love” icons for Twitter and Facebook were meant as a joke, folks! I was being all ironic and stuff.

Thank goodness that’s all over. My inconsistent updates the past year and a half has successfully driven away most of my pesky readership. Now, it’s not uncommon for something I write, no matter how amazingly awesome it is, to receive zero comments.

Zero. Can you believe it? It’s like some kind of wonderful, amazing dream. I almost don’t want to write the word (“zero!”) for fear I will wake up and discover it never happened.

“What? You mean I didn’t really receive zero comments? I received 37?? No!!!”

Gosh, can you imagine? [Shudder]

Knowing barely anyone will read or comment on something I write is an amazing, amazing feeling. No, that doesn’t do it justice. It’s bliss. There’s just no other word for it. Bliss.

Now I know what Woody Allen feels every time he finishes production on a new movie. This constant feeling of bliss must explain how Woody has remained so handsome and manly after all these years.

I used to be envious whenever I came across a blog with barely any readership. Now, I don’t have to be envious. That blog is now mine. I’m doing it. I’m living the dream!

Frankly, I’m on Cloud Nine. And the only thing that could ruin this feeling, Heaven forbid, is receiving double-digit comments.

[Shudder]

By the way: Pay no attention to the cartoon below. That’s just more irony.