Today, boys and girls, I’m going to tell you the story of The Sad Little Blog.
Once upon a time, there was a blog who had lots of visitors. These visitors would leave all sorts of wonderful comments. The blog loved having so many friends. It made him so very happy.
Every day, the blog would skip to work. He would sing “la la la” the entire way. If he came across a bug on the sidewalk, he would grant the bug a quick, merciful death. If a hobo asked the blog for spare change, he would smile as he skipped on by without saying a word.
But then, one day, inexplicably, the visitors stopped visiting. The blog was suddenly alone. This made him so very sad.
“Where did all my friends go,” the blog wondered as he curled into a ball in the corner of his bedroom and sobbed uncontrollably.
The blog stopped eating. He stopped sleeping. His hopes and dreams were replaced by sadness and despair. He stopped showering, shaving or cleaning his ears. The blog had reached bottom.
That’s when he decided to make everyone pay for shunning him!
…TO BE CONTINUED…
Wasn’t that an exciting story, boys and girls? And it makes an excellent segue into this week’s Friday Four!
For this week’s Friday Four, I am going to list four possible reasons SKOS has begun to resemble the shopping mall in your hometown that everyone used to visit before they built the new one.
I Have Lost My Mojo
Personally, I don’t think I’ve written anything funny or interesting since sometime in 2006, but I digress.
Writer’s block happens to the best of us. It’s entirely possible my writing hasn’t been up to snuff lately. I mean, did anyone read my Dear Moms of the World… post and NOT think it was a desperate attempt to be liked?
It’s certainly clear I’m having difficulty thinking of ideas since I’ve re-posted two posts from my archives (The Shower Bandit and Prince Attacked, Assailant Still at Large) in the past couple weeks and I’ve started a weekly Ask Kev blog series that reeks of mediocrity and sadness.
Maybe THIS is why people have started to shun me? Maybe I’ve lost the funny.
Everyone Has Olympic Fever
Did you know the Summer Olympics are going on right now in China? I sure didn’t. I haven’t paid attention to the Olympics since Tonya Harding beat every competitor and judge with a crowbar at the 1992 games. I figured the Olympics could never top that, so why continue to watch.
But anyway, perhaps my readers are too busy watching the Olympics to visit SKOS? You’d like to think people would have their priorities in proper order, but not everyone does.
People are Afraid I Might Interview Them
After my ridiculously long interview with Angi, it’s possible the rest of my readers went into hiding.
Upon witnessing the hard-hitting questions I tend to ask (Example: “Capri pants. Thumbs up or thumbs down?”), no one else was willing to endure the same kind of abuse. And so, they stopped visiting.
Internet Privileges Revoked
Since approximately 94% of my readers are criminals, Internet access can be a sporadic thing. Those readers on the run from the law might be at a safe house without Internet access. Readers recently arrested might not be able to get their daily SKOS fix while standing trial. And it’s quite possible some readers currently in prison have had their Internet privileges revoked for laughing too hard.
Add all that up and a huge chunk of my readership is MIA.
And there you have it. Four theories attempting to explain what the heck happened to all my readers.
So, what do YOU think happened to my readers? I’m asking, of course, the two of you still here. What are your theories? Let’s discuss this amongst ourselves, shall we?