I'm a cypher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
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January 1, 2008Rochester, MN – In a recent study, Mayo Clinic researchers reveal that “sugary” tasting items have been found to cure nausea. “In severe cases of nausea, we feed patients spoonfuls of sugar,” noted Mayo researcher Peter Radcliffe. “And when given the choice between Diet Coke and Coke Zero, we recommend Coke Zero every time and [...]
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September 3, 2007Flying high, Cuba Gooding Jr. is ready to give back to his fans. That’s right. It’s time for Jerry Maguire 2!
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September 3, 2007His career in shambles, Cuba Gooding Jr. is hoping someone will show him the money one more time.
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August 29, 2007The following is a significant revision of the fake, Keanu-penned blog post I did last year titled, I am an Awful, Awful Actor. This new version was recently published at Associated Content. I will also present it here in all its glory. “I am arguably the worst actor alive today,” Keanu Reeves says to me [...]
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July 22, 2007After nearly six years producing albums that featured pre-teens singing covers of mildly inappropriate pop songs, the makers of Kidz Bop announced today that they have officially sold their souls to the devil and abandoned all pretense with the planned release of Kidz Bop 21: The Christina Aguilera Collection. “We’ve been making parents and sane [...]
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July 19, 2007Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have purchased a home in Montecito, CA that is just down the road from Oprah Winfrey’s $50 million estate. Cruise, who infamously made headlines in 2005 when he psychotically jumped up and down on Oprah’s sofa while appearing on her TV show, is excited about the move. “We can’t wait [...]
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May 14, 2007ATLANTA, GA – A national, one-day boycott of purchasing gasoline is planned for March 15 in an effort organizers hope will “lower gas prices once and for all,” according to John Teller, a stay-at-home dad who has been forwarding email announcements for the boycott to everyone he knows. “There are 73,000,000-plus Americans currently on the [...]
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May 8, 2007NEW YORK, NY – In a move designed to bolster their depleted starting rotation and get them back into playoff contention, the New York Yankees have signed pitcher Roger Clemens to a prorated 1-year, $28 million contract. It is estimated Clemens will earn $18.5 million for four months of work, which breaks down to roughly [...]
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March 30, 2007LOS ANGELES, CA – After he had not been seen or heard from in ages, the last two members of the Fred Durst Fanclub have filed a missing persons report on the singer (pictured) of Limp Bizkit, a musical group that was inexplicably popular in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Last seen in the [...]
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February 25, 2007By Kevin J. Fakename Reporter for The Fake News Originally Reported 8/25/06 ATLANTA, GA – Tyler and Cody Chung (pictured) received failing grades during the recent “show and tell” in Mrs. Timberland’s fourth grade class, according to insiders who eat lunch with the brothers. Both boys, age 10, presented photos taken during a recent Atlanta [...]
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January 23, 2007ANYTOWN, GA – Local man Kyle Davis can breath easy after narrowly avoiding a “chick flick” his girlfriend wanted the two of them to watch this past weekend. Davis, 28, was hoping to spend a relaxing evening with his girlfriend Laura Childress, 23, by renting an action-comedy at the local video store. His plans were [...]
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January 14, 2007Desperate for relief pitching and in the midst of a five game losing streak, the Atlanta Braves have signed actor Charlie Sheen to a major league contract.
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“Fake News.” Real news is sad and depressing. Fake news is hilarious. And sometimes sad and depressing.
