by kev on November 15, 2007
(1 votes, 4 avg)
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“I think I can get another six or seven months (use) out of these two (pairs of blue jeans).” - me on 11/11/07
It turns out I was slightly off in my estimation of how long my jeans would last me. And by “slightly” I mean six or seven months.
My “good” pair, the pair with a “slowly growing hole” in the crotch area, had to be put down. When I got home, the hole that was only an inch or so big when I left for work had grown to five inches. Also, it had a new friend. A second hole, two inches wide, had set up residence right beside it.
“At least they found one another,” the hopeless romantic in me thought as I went to look for my stapler. Common sense then knocked on my door and informed me that stapling the holes in my jeans - especially in that area - probably wouldn’t be a good idea.
Also, I couldn’t find my stapler.
Now I had a real dilemma on my hands. It was the middle of the week and I would not be able to go shopping (Lord help me) for new jeans until the weekend. What would I wear to work? My other pair of jeans has an 8-inch tear in the right calf - not exactly acceptable work attire. My good pair of jeans has two holes in the crotch - the only places such attire would be acceptable are places I never, ever want to go.
What was I going to do?
With hesitance, I chose Option C - I would wear my third pair of jeans, the ones hidden in the back of my closet that I never wore. They were in pristine, perfect condition. Why did I never wear them?
My ex, Lauren, despised these jeans. She hated them with a passion. Hated, hated, hated them. Why? Because they were tight in the calf and ankle area. You know how most jeans are loose around the ankles (”boot cut” is the term used ’round these parts)? Well, these weren’t. And just as I dislike people who can’t park, people who wear Bluetooth headsets on their ears in public and Pauly Shore, Lauren disliked tight-around-the-ankle jeans. It was one of her things.
As most of you have (hopefully) surmised, I am a guy. Guys do not care or pay attention to the looseness of their jeans around their ankles. We only notice such things if someone points them out to us. After the hideousness of my jeans was pointed out to me and after several days of noticing that no other guys wore jeans like these, I put them away in my closet.
They have not been worn since.
Until today.
Yes, I am sitting behind my desk at work on my lunch break wearing tight-around-the-ankle jeans. I am a rebel. A rebel in tight jeans.
And I’m loving it.
I am bringing the tight-jeans look back into the mainstream, people.
And since I bought these jeans at the height of my “gym workout warrior” days, they are even tighter than they used to be. And that’s good because “tight” is “in.” Since when? Since I started setting the fashion trends.
Get on board, people. This fashion train is on its way to Awesome City.
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Author: kevPosts Written: 302
Bio: Who am I? I am a cipher, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce. Also, my name is Kev and I own this here website.
URLs: my website, all posts by kev
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November 15th, 2007 at 3:44 pm:
Kev, Kev, Kev. *sigh* I’m afraid you are sadly wrong about “guys” not noticing things like that. True, most guys do not notice if someone else is wearing tight ankle jeans, but I would definitely say the modern majority sets a standard that they allow themselves to wear. You, my sometimes style-challenged friend are, I think, the new minority. But be thankful. You have personality- which completely covers (most) design flaws. Let me ask one thing though- are you wearing those dark brown boots? If so, my previous statement does not apply. **note: all the above has been said with love and admiration**
November 15th, 2007 at 8:28 pm:
Kev — I think you’ll be alright. It’s women who are hippy that can’t get away with tight ankle jeans. Gives them an unfortunate funnel shape, wide at the hips and tapered at the bottom. Are you a hippy man? Also, I’m not sure I understand how it is you’re getting so many holes in your pants. What exactly are you DOING in them?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:44 am:
@Z: Am I wearing my dark brown boots with these jeans? Um…no?
Wait, why am I lying. Yes, I’m wearing the dark brown boots. They’re awesome. They’re awesome, the jeans are awesome, and together…awesome.
(I need help, don’t I?)
@Kathy: No, I don’t think I’m “hippy.” Why? What have you heard? Are people talking about me??
Honestly, I have no clue why my jeans get so many holes. I think my numerous stalkers are doing things to my jeans when I am asleep. That’s the only rational explanation.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:56 am:
stalkers in your sleep huh? You have the most interesting life.
I also use staplers on pants. Goodness… you’d think I didn’t have a clothes budget or something. Nope. I’m just lazy.
November 16th, 2007 at 12:42 pm:
Ah, but some of us stylin’ guys do care about ankle tightness of our denim. I always choose boot cut or sneaker fit because I don’t want to look like I was teleported from 1992.
November 16th, 2007 at 4:29 pm:
I foresaw (is that a word?) a post like this coming. Didn’t I warn you about holes in jeans? *shakes head* As for updating xanga…meh. I don’t have a topic. Maybe later.
November 16th, 2007 at 7:04 pm:
Amen, Sornie! 1992 is definitely outta style.
November 17th, 2007 at 1:20 am:
My pants are tight in the crotch.
From reading this.
November 19th, 2007 at 12:14 pm:
Tapered jeans. You are wearing tapered jeans. I do not approve. Take the depth of the deepest ocean, multiply it by however far the east is from the west, and then add 12… that’s how much I do not approve.
…Says the girl who runs around with a lamp on her head. Maybe I’m not so qualified to be giving fashion advice, after all.
RYC: Fear not… the milk is gone. It expired in early September, by the way. Just thought I’d throw that out there, to add to your heebie jeebies.
November 21st, 2007 at 6:07 am:
Men and fashion don’t mix Kev, sorry to say.
Tight jeans are awful, and the only person in the world who is allowed to wear them is Mick Jagger. Because he’s cool.
My other half has a total disregard to fashion as well. Last week he went to work in his suit, and wore gym socks. The Michael Jackson look is a big no no in this city!
Where do you buy your jeans from anyway? I get mine from American Eagle Outfitters, q-u-a-l-i-t-y!
November 28th, 2007 at 9:53 pm:
Once a pair of my pants split in the rear in the middle of the work day. I still wore them 3 more times before finally giving them up.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:54 pm:
[...] I know you hated them. I just think you might find it really, really funny to receive in the mail — a few weeks [...]
September 16th, 2008 at 1:48 pm:
[...] when I wore tapered jeans a few times, well…you’d have thought I had clubbed a baby seal and made pants out of [...]