This is Me Being Controversial
by kev on December 6, 2007 

10 Comments

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Someone recently e-mailed me saying my site was too “nice” to be a humor blog. Sir, that sounds like a challenge. Now you’ve asked for it!

Color me confused, but if Extra Virgin Olive Oil is as advertised how is there seemingly a never ending supply of the stuff? Granted, I’m no expert on the reproductive habits of olives, but something just doesn’t add up. Methinks a few olives aren’t being entirely truthful.

…

Why are sticky notes so popular? On my computer monitor at work, I have a dozen sticky notes with various notes or reminders written on them. But they are constantly falling down. Whenever I want to put one up, I have to get some tape and forcibly adhere the sticky note to my monitor. It must be the pretty colors that make sticky notes so popular. It certainly isn’t the performance. I think the inventors of sticky notes pulled a fast one on all of us.

…

Perhaps I’m being unsympathetic, but I believe a stupid tax should be levied against anyone who bought a home with an adjustable rate mortgage that they could only afford when the rates were at their initial, low interest level. And since our government seems intent on coming to the aid these greedy fools rather than punish them for their stupidity, I guess it’s up to me.

I have, just now, created what I will call The Stupid Tax. Those who do something stupid will be taxed for it. First to be taxed will be the adjustable rate mortgage people. I can either tax you at 6% of your salary for the next 30 years, or at 1% for the first 5 years and 18% for the next 25. It’s your choice.

…

In the war of Which is Better: Dogs or Cats?, dog lovers like to point out all the times dogs have come to their owner’s aid when in trouble. Dogs dragging their unconscious owners from a burning home is an often cited example. “A cat wouldn’t do that,” they say.

That is true. But on the flip side, dogs are stupid and cats are smart. My cat might leave me to die if my home is ever on fire, but at least he has the intelligence to remember me after I’m gone.

“My owner was awesome,” he will tell his cat friends years later. “He fought those flames until the bitter end.”

…

I guess I showed that e-mailer. This post will surely start riots all over the country.

10 Responses »

1. Erin
   
   December 6th, 2007 at 3:28 pm:

   *sputters angrily and storms off*

2. Josh H.
   
   December 6th, 2007 at 5:37 pm:

   That’s it, Kev! I’m never reading SKOS again.

3. Kathy
   
   December 6th, 2007 at 6:50 pm:

   The Stupid Tax!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! I had to pull my husband off the ceiling when he heard about the interest rate freeze. We are unapologetically unsympathetic.

4. Angi
   
   December 6th, 2007 at 8:54 pm:

   I have owned cats my whole life. Now, I own a dog. I would go back to cats in a freakin’ heartbeat!!!

5. Allison
   
   December 7th, 2007 at 6:58 pm:

   I was planning to start my own Mission:Read All Old Posts for SKOS and also your xanga.. but so much for that. I really don’t think that I can subject myself to such filth. What you’ve written goes against everything I believe in!

   RYC: What IS it with Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run? Is a love of those movies a prerequisite to be a guy? (Yes, I’ve seen them both, and no, not by choice)

   Hmm, Coolio… now I have that “1 2 3 4, get your woman on the floor” song stuck in my head. So, thanks for that.

   I missed the Ravens one. I thought about doing a google search so that I could falsely claim to have gotten them all, but was too lazy.

   Are you mocking the fact that I witnessed a miracle? The stuffed squirrel ATE THE ACORN, I’m telling you!

6. Mike
   
   December 8th, 2007 at 10:40 am:

   About that olive oil, how is it possible to be any extra virgin than virgin itself, anyways? Do they get their genitals ripped off in a self orgy of making sure they’ll always be virgins?

7. DrowseyMonkey
   
   December 9th, 2007 at 4:27 pm:

   LOL @ the cat. That is so true…I’ve lived with both cats & dogs…cats rule, unfortunately.

8. Stacy
   
   December 10th, 2007 at 5:14 pm:

   I have long wanted to create a stupid tax, but my boss just won’t introduce the bill…something about too many constituents being affected Kidding of course!

   But that Dog and Cat discussion seems terribly familiar…oh yes , it’s from an exchange you and I had. I believe I should get some credit for that brilliant exchange! Thank you!

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